After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
