So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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