That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
