The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
