My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
