Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
