when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
