I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
