reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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