Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So vagazzling was a success
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
