he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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