are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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