WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
