Hey man sorry I got all grabby
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
