Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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