??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like eating out sand paper
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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