so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
