I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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