I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
