Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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