Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
