His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
