I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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