I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
