i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
