they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
