I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
