I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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