I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
