New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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