if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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