who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
