i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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