Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
