he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
