You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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