areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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