Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
