I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
