You just made me feel so damn special
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
