I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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