oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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