I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
