Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
this hospital has no fireball
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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