Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
