I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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