She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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