we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize