I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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