the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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