hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
3pm strippers are depressing
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize