i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
