Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
