guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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