i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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