2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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