Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
