I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
two words...techno handjob
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
