why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
