i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
