I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
