I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
