Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
