I cockslap morals
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just blew my weed a kiss
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
