Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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