I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
