Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
