My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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