Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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