Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
