I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
