I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There r osticjed everywhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
