just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize