I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
