..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
