The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
