Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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