perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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