Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
